Chase, i miss you.
i miss the endless phonecalls, or just the short ones to tell me you love me
the random ‘i love you’ texts. always wanting to be with each other, then right after one if would leave, it be a matter of two minutes and you would call me to say you miss me already. texting me all hours of the day and never running out of things to say. not being able to stand to see me cry, and if i was you’d always try and make me feel better.
I catch myself reading over old text messages just to remind myself how you feel about me. I’m lucky if i get to text you for more than five minutes. I feel like you’re going to find someone better then me. I’d never forgive myself if you did. You don’t call me anymore. You just get to busy for me. You never ask to see me anymore. I’ve been the one who’s been asking. Or more like convincing or begging. You’re starting to talk a lot about other girls. Always joking about how something is your ‘other girlfriends’. Calling other girls hot, when i’m sitting right there. Joking or not. It hurts.
One night you told me, your night was better when i wasn’t texting you. That hurt. Even though it was my mistake for your reasoning to saying that, it broke me. I cried. All night. Zero sleep. Even though we got through that, i feel like you have zero effort to keep this realtionship anything anymore. That breaks me even more. It’d be my fault. I know. I’m a terrible girlfriend. I know. You put up with it for a while. Now i feel like you’re drifting away from me. Like you have ten billion other things to do, then to talk to me. Or even be with me.
Just know i love you more than anything in the world. I’ll fight for you until the day you tell me not to. Even then i probably won’t quite. You’ve become my other half. My very best friend. I go to you for just about everything. I feel like all my secrets are safe with you. Your eyes and smile make me melt. The fact the you can make me smile or laugh by just the little things you say or do, make my heart melt. I can honestly say, i’ve never been in love. Nor do i even know what it really is. But i know this is about the closest thing to it. I never want to lose you. You make me want to be a better person.
but even with all that said..
You’re not the same boy i said yes to, october 21st. I want him back. He’s in there somewhere. I hope.. I want him back..